Everything I Need to Know I Learned from a Drug Dealer

APR 12 2013

Bros Before Hoes

This past weekend a dear friend of mine was visiting from Minneapolis. He was suppose to hop a plane home Monday morning, but threw his back out and couldn’t move thus finding himself stranded at the Hotel Moderne. After working late, I finally saw his text at about 4 a.m. Monday night (technically Tuesday morning but it was definitely still my Monday). I had to go to work and while quickly debating my poverty I came to the obvious – Bros before Hoes. Call out. I’d do anything for this guy. Fold his underwear, rub biofreeze on his back, figure out a way to smuggle a bag of ice onto the plane. God speed my friend.

Don’t Get Greedy

You can basically go unnoticed your whole life as long as you know when to stop. The other day I noticed a film being shot a few blocks away from my apartment. I went home, put on black, threw an old blank press pass around my next and followed the signs to craft services. I posted myself at the table and enjoyed a free burrito and two diet cokes. Chatted it up with some lovely people while casually dropping in “film set lingo” which is a phrase I googled at home before walking over. I had the thought to wear a book bag and put as much food in it as possible, just to get the most out of the situation, but then I remembered “don’t get greedy”. Getting greedy is when you get caught. Only take what you need.

Snitches Get Stitches

Many will tell you otherwise. People are really good at talking about your shit and really bad at talking about their shit. Discretion is one of the highest forms of character I know.

Don’t Get Sloppy

Back in the day when I was a crack head, I followed this principle with precision [until that became impossible because I was a crack head]. It’s rather imperative if you want to keep doing something you shouldn’t be doing. When you get sloppy, you get comfortable, when you get comfortable, you get complacent. If you don’t have what you want, then you’re not done yet. Complacency breeds failure. Getting comfortable almost always looks like a shit show. I’m over it.

It’s Easier to Treat Your Existing Users Well, Rather Then Find New Ones

Relationally we do the same shit over and over. Look around – the relationships you have or have had look pretty god damn similar. Different people with different faces are still getting pissed at you for the same shit. Figure out how to treat your friends and lovers well, you’re not going to get new ones and if you do you’ll still be an asshole – with new faces looking at you.

Don’t Get High on Your Own Supply

Sometimes drinking your own Koolaid too often turns you into a crazy person. I find it’s continually in my best interest to consult with those who I consider to be my most stable friends. It doesn’t mean I have to do what they say, but adding in a few more voices to roll around in my head rarely hurts.

Also: If you are a drug addict, you are a shit drug dealer.

Blood in Blood out

Fierce loyalty is the church I worship at. I’m not interested in being the type of friend that bails you out of jail, I’m interested in finding myself in a cell next to you where we can rest assure that I would build a shank and shiv a bitch for you. I’m not saying this is healthy. I’m just saying it’s true.